“You always attract your reciprocal. A woman who worships a man’s depth of masculine consciousness attracts and inspires a man who worships her heart of devotional feminine radiance.” David Deida
Many of us doubt it, but they are out there. They may be a rare breed, but the attentive, honest, loyal, ethically conscious, masculine male does exist. A man like this is worth of giving your heart to. He can be trusted. There are five big mistakes however that women can make in relation to men, which keep them from attracting and keeping a quality partner.
As we explore these, I will also offer some practical ways to relate to the other half of our species in a way that is more beneficial for all. Understanding the masculine essence is critical. The more you understand what motivates the masculine, what fulfills him, and what keeps him committed, the more success you will have in relationship with men.
Mistake #1 – Not appreciating his masculinity
Men have many gifts to give the world. They protect, they lead with direction, they focus on what they are doing and work hard, they fix things, they bring adventure to our lives, and make us feel feminine.
The list goes on and on. Women often get stuck in thinking that men should be more like them, instead of honouring their masculine gifts.
Just as a feminine woman wants to be understood and seen for who she is without having to “do” anything, a masculine man wants to be appreciated for what he does and where he’s going. To feel “alive” in his masculine, he must know his life’s purpose and be heading in that direction with focus and determination. His life is about being productive and contributing to life through doing. If you don’t appreciate his masculine essence, it will diminish in your presence or he’ll simply pass by you while you wonder, “Where are all the good men?”
Become acutely aware of what you think and say about men. All too often I hear negative, snide, or backhanded comments being made about men. Those comments may be contained inside a joke that pretends to be “all in good fun.” We’ve all most likely participated in this at some point in our lives whether we were aware of it or not.
Become a ‘vessel of praise’ for men. Whenever you come in contact with a man, think of what you most appreciate about his masculinity. Then tell him what you appreciate. To say aloud why you love his masculinity will get his attention in a very positive way as men don’t hear it very often these days. The key to success with this process is to use it every time the opportunity arises without consideration as to whether you have something directly to gain or not.
Mistake #2 – Taking on the masculine role when he doesn’t
Often a woman will step into a masculine role because the man is not taking charge. For example, if he is not making strong decisions, then she will step in and make the decision in order to get things moving. If he is wishy-washy about his direction in life, she might start to make more plans for both of them and become more controlling. It’s a natural thing to do on one hand – if no one is taking the lead, then there is no forward movement.
Resist doing this. He will not feel like he needs to be in his masculine essence if you are. He will not feel the need to step up, take charge, and treat you as the beautiful princess or queen you are. Ultimately he will resent this, and nobody will be happy.
The good news is that you do have an alternative course of action. Rather than you being the masculine one, inspire him to be in his masculine.
Here are some ways to do that:
Let him know how much you trust him and his decisions. This is as nurturing to a man as it would be telling a woman she is beautiful, or that whatever emotions arise for her are ok and appreciated. When a man knows you trust him he will be much more likely to create a strong container for you to relax into your feminine. Every day, tell your man one specific way that you trust him, and you will see his masculine grow. As a result, you will find it easier to trust him more and his masculine will grow. We all tend to grow into the expectations people have of us – both positive and negative.
Pose a problem he can solve. This way works with men much better than instructing him or resenting them for not “picking up” what you want and need. We all know men love to solve problems – whether we want them to or not. By giving the man in your life a problem you can’t solve you will both be happy.
Express your needs and desires as a problem and they love to fulfill them or make them happen.
Being in your feminine will inspire him to be connected to his masculine essence. Stay open to new ways of not taking on the masculine role.
Mistake #3 –Not realizing that a man wants a woman who inspires him “out of his head”
We’ve heard it said time and time again; “Men are only after one thing.” Is this true? It’s true that men put a women’s sexual attractiveness high on their list of priorities, and are biologically programmed more so than women to be driven by sex. At a deeper level, what a man really wants from his woman is to be inspired “out of his head.” Most men live in their heads much of the day – that’s part of why the feminine is so captivating and relaxing to them: they have a deep inner need to let go of their ongoing mental activity. Sex satisfies this need very well, though there are additional ways a woman can offer this gift.
The way you talk, move and relate can either invite a man “out of his head” or keep him stuck there. Express how you feel more often than speaking intellectually. When you walk and dance in a sensual way, it inspires him into his own body. Be wary of falling into the trap of thinking you have to intellectually stimulate him to attract him. This is part of any quality relationship for sure, but it is not what primarily attracts him.
I am not saying you should never share things with each other, teach your man about things you know, or discuss philosophy, but know that these may decrease sexual polarity in an intimate relationship. I don’t mean that you should hide your brilliant mind from any man or play dumb just to make a man feel good about himself. Simply know that the gifts a masculine male most longs for come from your feminine essence.
Here are some ways that I inspire my man “out of his head.”
* I speak emotionally rather than intellectually.
* I use both non-sexual and sexual touch intentionally, each when appropriate.
* I give him flirtatious looks.
* I wear beautiful things whenever possible.
Think about some of the ways you already naturally do this with the men in your lif e. Are there things you would like to add?
Mistake #4 – Thinking “I don’t need a man”
The challenge for a strong, independent woman is that she may have closed many channels to receiving from a man. Men by nature want to provide and protect women. There is a natural balance – this is not about going back to the dark ages. It’s definitely not about giving up your job or your economic independence; it’s more of an energetic shift. It’s about letting go of the need to prove we can look after ourselves. Can we let go of the attachment to being strong, independent women as if that was the only sign of strength? What if the greatest sign of strength was to surrender and let go to allow someone else to help us?
When you don’t open yourself to receive, you cut yourself off from the rest of the world, and the power that comes with it. To attract and keep an aware masculine man, you must reconcile your independent nature with being open to receive.
If men do not perceive that they can be of service to a woman, they won’t be attracted. This does not mean you must play the damsel in distress, or that you cannot look after yourself if you need to. Be open to a man supporting you in all the best possible ways. Stop playing the role of Super-Woman, who does everything herself – even if you can do everything yourself.
The feminine energy is spacious, open, receptive energy. Creating a receptive space is critical to attracting a masculine, present man. This space can be physical. Make room in your closet, in your carport, and in your bed, especially if you are single. Slow down your rhythm; don’t move too fast. Make sure you arrange sensual time for yourself at home. If you have too much going on, it could mean that you don’t have time for a great relationship. Make room in your heart, and your schedule.
Mistake #5 – Not deliberately creating sexual polarity
When the opposite poles of the magnet are faced towards each other, they attract. Many women have gravitated towards the middle of the continuum as they have developed their masculine sides in order to cope with today’s socio-economic environment. Men have tended to move towards the middle under social pressure to develop their feminine sides. Because of this, many couples experience a lack of passion in their relationships, or if passion is there in the beginning, it tends to fade quickly.
A crucial relationship skill is to deliberately create sexual polarity by connecting to your feminine essence at appropriate times. There may be times of the day when you are paying bills, or writing a shopping list, when you may not feel very connected to your feminine essence — and may not need to be connected. There may be other times of the day, like when you are laying in bed with your lover, or out on a romantic stroll, when you really want to be connected to your feminine essence.
A woman who can attract and keep an extraordinary relationship is always aware of where she is on the sexual polarity continuum, particularly when she is around her partner. She chooses to move towards her feminine essence as much as possible, especially at appropriate times.
The most important times to connect to your feminine essence are:
● when you are getting ready to go on a date
● when you and your lover spend quality time together
● when you first get up in the morning
● just before you go to bed at night
Warning! This power of attraction is so strong that it can get us into trouble. When attraction based on sexual essence is present we may mistake it for “having found our soul mate.” This is not necessarily true — it is just sexual attraction. I have observed this time and time again in the coaching that I do with women. They feel this attraction and mistake it for God’s voice saying “he’s the one.” Always question your first impulses –they may be right, and they may not be.
Those are the 5 biggest mistakes strong, independent women make in relationships with men. To turn them around, you are invited to experiment with these 5 practices:
1. Appreciate men and their masculinity. Become a “vessel of praise,” verbalizing your appreciations as often as possible.
2. Resist taking on the masculine role, even when your man is not stepping up. Instead, inspire (not manipulate) him in his own masculine direction.
3. Learn and try out ways to inspire men “out of their heads.” They want our feminine offerings to be our gifts to them.
4. Become more open to receive from men. Allow them to give to you without you thinking it somehow reflects on your independence.
5. Become a deliberate creator of sexual polarity by accentuating your feminine essence when it is called for.
These 5 new behaviours will alter the way men respond to you. You will also notice the attentive, honest, loyal, ethically conscious, masculine male being attracted to you – as a friend and as a potential mate, if you are available for that. Look around for this rare breed and have fun picking them out of the crowd. They are truly beautiful to witness.
Rachael Jayne Groover